A satirical look at local delusions of grandeur in amateur radio club life.
There are clubs. And there are local chapters. The difference? Exactly – none. At least if you ask the local chapter.
The Local Chapter as Sovereign State
You pass your amateur radio exam. You want to belong. So you join the club – the big one, the official one. During registration you’re asked: “Which local chapter?” You name the nearest one. Or you’ve already ended up there – via the local repeater, the pub meet, the ham next door.
No matter how you get there: from now on, you’re not simply a club member. You’re a member of the local chapter. And the local chapter – you’ll soon realise – doesn’t see itself as a subgroup of a club. But as an independent republic with its own foreign policy.
The local chapter has a “chapter leader”. He has business cards. The local chapter has “meetings”. The local chapter has “resolutions”. The local chapter even has its own logo – based on the real club’s, but with an extra lightning bolt, because you have to stand out.
What the local chapter doesn’t have: its own legal personality, its own bank account, its own bylaws and – here’s the crucial point – any form of actual authority.
But that doesn’t bother anyone. Least of all the chapter leader.
The Club Station: My Precious!
The centrepiece of every self-assured local chapter is the club station. OE8XYZ is written on the shack. The antenna rotates majestically on the roof. The chapter leader shows it off like a new car.
What he conveniently forgets to mention: the club station belongs to the club. The real one. The licence runs through the club. The insurance runs through the club. The antenna permit runs through the club. But in spirit, it naturally belongs to the local chapter. And who gets to use it is decided by – correct – the chapter leader. Personally. Based on sympathy.
Anyone who expressed the wrong opinion about vertical antennas at the last barbecue has to queue up. Or doesn’t get in at all. House rules, says the chapter leader. That it’s not his house – never mind.
Expelling Members: A Hobby Within a Hobby
The best thing about a local chapter that thinks it’s a club is the annual general meeting. Once a year, everyone gathers. There’s coffee, cake, and an agenda that looks like it belongs to a multinational corporation.
Then comes the exciting part: voting. On motions. On budgets (that don’t exist). And occasionally: on expelling a member.
Yes, you read that right. A local chapter – a subgroup without legal personality – votes to expel a member. From what exactly is unclear. From the local chapter? That’s not a club. From the club? The local chapter has no authority for that. From the WhatsApp group? Possible, but you don’t need a general meeting for that.
Nevertheless, a vote is taken. With raised hands. Solemnly. The affected person receives a letter. It doesn’t bear the club letterhead – because the local chapter isn’t allowed to use it – but a homemade document in Comic Sans. “We hereby inform you that local chapter XY, in its meeting of…”
Legally, this carries roughly the same weight as a chain letter. But it feels damn good to the chapter leader.
The Grey Eminence
Behind every inflated chapter leader stands a member who’s been around for thirty years and actually runs everything. He doesn’t want to be chapter leader – that would be beneath his dignity. But he whispers. He steers. He has the phone numbers. He knows who said what and when.
If you walk into the local chapter and wonder why everyone gives a wide berth to a certain OM, you’ve found him. He’s not evil. He’s influential. And he wields that influence with the subtlety of a sledgehammer.
Someone new wants to join the committee? “I’ve had a word with a few people…” Someone wants to modernise the club station? “We tried that in 1994, it doesn’t work.” Someone wants to organise a field day? “With my back?”
The grey eminence is the institutional memory of the local chapter. Unfortunately, it only remembers things that serve its interests.
The Reality Check
Dear local chapters: you’re great. Really. You bring people together, you organise field days (sometimes), you maintain repeaters (sometimes), and you’re the first port of call for new hams in the area.
But: you’re not a club. You can’t expel anyone. The club station doesn’t belong to you. And the chapter leader is not a mayor.
All you really need is a bit of humility, a working repeater and – of course – a good schnitzel.
Hamspirit.
“This is a hard-hitting protest song. But the criticism isn’t aimed at any particular group – it’s aimed at anyone who feels affected. Including myself.”
freely adapted from Arik Brauer
73 de Hansl Hohlleiter, OE0HHL
Da Ortsstellenleiter – The Song
Show lyrics
[Verse 1]
I bin da Chef vo da Ortsstell
I hob des Sogen do
Mei Klubfunkstell, mei Antenn
Mei Shack, mei Studio
Wer eini will, der frogt mi zerscht
I prüf des gonz genau
Und wer beim Grillfest z’laut wor
Den schick i wieder z’Haus
[Refrain]
Mia san a Verein im Verein
Der kane is, oba kane sogt nein
Mia stimmen ob und schließen aus
Im klansten Funkverein vo gonz Österreich
[Verse 2]
I hob Visitenkortn
Und an Stempel no dazua
Mei Vollversammlung dauert
Vo ocht bis in da Fruah
Da Elmer sitzt im Eck
Und flüstert vor sich hin
Er waß wos 94 wor
Und wos seither net ging
[Refrain]
Mia san a Verein im Verein
Der kane is, oba kane sogt nein
Mia stimmen ob und schließen aus
Im klansten Funkverein vo gonz Österreich
[Bridge]
ZVR-Zohl hobma kane
Sotzungen? Brauch ma net
Oba Hausrecht, des hobma
Ah wenn’s Haus uns net ghört
[Letzter Refrain]
Mia san a Verein im Verein
Der kane is, oba kane sogt nein
Doch anes is uns wirklich wichtig:
73 – und Hamspirit sowieso!
Musik generiert mit Suno AI. Text: oeradio.at-Redaktion & Claude (Anthropic).
Transparency Notice
This article was researched and written with the assistance of AI (Claude, Anthropic). Editorial responsibility and content review lies with the oeradio.at editorial team. All scenarios described are fictional and satirical.
